My mom is still in hospital ... and I don't know what to do - go or stay. She has fought diabetes for 57 years, lost a leg and and eye, it has affected the whole family and the way our lives have panned out, what they were able to do etc. Even, one thinks, if she had not been a diabetic she would not have had such a large baby and David might not have got stuck = no oxygen loss = no retardation. If, if, if, the ideas of how things could have been different are endless.
And now it must be so lonely, alone at home, unable to do much, reliant on so much medication, then into hospital again and again. And there is only yourself to help you through those times late at night, fighting the disease but for what? I wish I was there even if just to give her a hug.
What would it mean if I booked a flight? Johan would have to be unemployed and stay home whilst I was away unless we farmed out the kids and left Nomie and Brian to look after the house and animals. My passport needs an Eygptian visa but I'm scared to send it in.
The answer is obviously for mum to go into a home, but she doesn't want to - and the nice ones are expensive so she is worried about that, and that also means we have to find a place to live when we go over to visit her in June (not a problem - will take a tent if necessary - but I know it worries her - she wants us to stay at home with her, however cramped.
What to do, what to do...... go, stay, send in passport for visa or not... help!
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