The end

Back at the hospital, I thought Mum was asleep so sat next to her and worked on my laptop for a while, also getting to know all the other ladies in the ward – Alice, (x2) Beatrice, Nora and Mavis – a lovely chatty bunch.

I went to speak to one of the doctors to ask whether I could take Mum home – he was an absolute sod, had no interest in the matter, kept flipping though the file which had had aboviously not read and asked what would happen when I went home in 5 weeks time – totally useless and off hand – very unlike the other doctors I had spoken to on previous visists. Anyway – went back and sat at the bedside – the nrsing staff were great – Ian (Mr Ice cream man), and all the others made sure I had lots of tea etc. Mums breathing became heavier and raspy and she still didn’t wake. At lunch time my cousin Linda came in and we went for lunch in the canteen and then she sat with us a while – she had been a tower of strength in all these visits and such a help. She mentioned that on the day her father (my Unclue Eric) had died his breathing had also been very laboured. Sat there a while longer, talking to mum and the other ladies and then at about 6 pm the nurses called me aside to say it was time for the “final pathway” – this meant that all drips etc would be removed, no more medication would be given and death would be imminent. The curtains were drawn around the bed and I sat there holding her hand. At about 8 I had put my head down on the bed and was crying when John Grundy came in and touched me on the shoulder. He had come to see if I wanted a break – he would sit with mum while I went home for a bath – but I said no thanks, I’d stay but we went for some tea together and then he sat with me for at least an hour – such a loving kind person. As he said, nothing can prepare you for this,
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While we sat there behind the curtains the other ladies prepared to sleep – lots of “night nights” “sleep tight” etc. Then little Alice in the bed next to mum said “why is there a naked man under the radiogram?” the others all chirped up, never mind Alice, we’re here Alice, sleep tight Alice everything is alright” ands she just kept asking why there was a naked man under the radiogram! John and I had a giggle about that! He left at about 11 and I sat there – the night nurse was a lovely person called Sarah who kept popping in to check on me – ask if I’d like tea etc. She was really great and very supportive. At about 3.25 in the morning Mum died, there was the death rattle and after another few minutes her breathing stopped. I sat there and then went to find the nurses to confirm it. After checking and then “laying her out” I sat there for about another hour and then said good night to everyone and went home Mavis in the bed opposite looked so scared when I came out of the curtains – it makes one realise ones mortality and the fragility of life – it was very hard. All the things you wanted to say and hadn’t all the questions you had – now too late. I miss my mum so much and it was so very hard and terrible to sit there.

After a short sleep I started to phone people and let them know, phone the funeral directors, the solicitors, the vicar etc and arrange everyting. Then I drove back to the hospital to collect mums things and say goodbye to all the ladies in the ward and thank the nurses. The horrible doctor was sitting at the desk and did not even look up, say anything to me at all – what a pig!