Our first batch of ducklings were hatched on Sunday morning so Spring is definitely here!
Now, to carry on from my last posting - sounds morbid but please plan your funerals and make sure everybody knows what you want them to do with you once you are gone! Cremated, buried? Hymns to be sung, readings to be read? It would really help if we all had a funeral plan as well as a will! having said which I have not done one yet either!
Well, the funeral was 10 days after Mums death, Johan and the kids arrived late on Saturday and the funeral was the following Monday. Funerals in England are a lot more solemn and serious than they are here. Curtains are closed for the entire morning until the hearse arrives and parks outside the house so that the neighbours can show their respect - their curtains are sometimes closed too. As the funeral cortege moves to the church people bow their heads as you pass and old men doff their cap - it all makes it very very sad and respectful. At the church the family were instructed to walk in behind the coffin - that set me off, I cried and sobbed the whole way through thinking of my little mum in that box - it was horrible. David gave a short speech about how we loved out mum and then we went outside to view the flowers. Both mum and dad had had their ashes scattered at Walton Lea which has beautiful gardens.
After the funeral we all went to have tea at the church hall in Great Budworth - Mum used to liove there when she was a child. Well, the caterers did us proud - there was so much food and it was so good it was amazing! The only potential problem was the cousins that hate each others guts (they are sisters) - however they each sat at a different end of the hall and behaved themselves and I made a point of sitting for a while with each. BUT little did I know that Johan and the kids spent more time with one than the other and I was taken to task about this in later days!
After that, it was a matter of putting the house on the market, selling the furniture, packing the clothes in bags for Oxfam etc. In between times we had day trips with the kids - Alton Towers theme park, Artley Hall Spring festival, Blackpool etc so we tried to make it as holidayish as possible - plus we had lots of people to see.
A very special occassion for me was going out to lunch with 3 of Mums friends, they had been friends since they were about 17 and they are all active bright ladies and I got on so well with them - it really brought home to me how horrible and debilitating diabetes is, if it wasn't for that my mum would have had such a better quality of life!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The end
Back at the hospital, I thought Mum was asleep so sat next to her and worked on my laptop for a while, also getting to know all the other ladies in the ward – Alice, (x2) Beatrice, Nora and Mavis – a lovely chatty bunch.
I went to speak to one of the doctors to ask whether I could take Mum home – he was an absolute sod, had no interest in the matter, kept flipping though the file which had had aboviously not read and asked what would happen when I went home in 5 weeks time – totally useless and off hand – very unlike the other doctors I had spoken to on previous visists. Anyway – went back and sat at the bedside – the nrsing staff were great – Ian (Mr Ice cream man), and all the others made sure I had lots of tea etc. Mums breathing became heavier and raspy and she still didn’t wake. At lunch time my cousin Linda came in and we went for lunch in the canteen and then she sat with us a while – she had been a tower of strength in all these visits and such a help. She mentioned that on the day her father (my Unclue Eric) had died his breathing had also been very laboured. Sat there a while longer, talking to mum and the other ladies and then at about 6 pm the nurses called me aside to say it was time for the “final pathway” – this meant that all drips etc would be removed, no more medication would be given and death would be imminent. The curtains were drawn around the bed and I sat there holding her hand. At about 8 I had put my head down on the bed and was crying when John Grundy came in and touched me on the shoulder. He had come to see if I wanted a break – he would sit with mum while I went home for a bath – but I said no thanks, I’d stay but we went for some tea together and then he sat with me for at least an hour – such a loving kind person. As he said, nothing can prepare you for this,
.
While we sat there behind the curtains the other ladies prepared to sleep – lots of “night nights” “sleep tight” etc. Then little Alice in the bed next to mum said “why is there a naked man under the radiogram?” the others all chirped up, never mind Alice, we’re here Alice, sleep tight Alice everything is alright” ands she just kept asking why there was a naked man under the radiogram! John and I had a giggle about that! He left at about 11 and I sat there – the night nurse was a lovely person called Sarah who kept popping in to check on me – ask if I’d like tea etc. She was really great and very supportive. At about 3.25 in the morning Mum died, there was the death rattle and after another few minutes her breathing stopped. I sat there and then went to find the nurses to confirm it. After checking and then “laying her out” I sat there for about another hour and then said good night to everyone and went home Mavis in the bed opposite looked so scared when I came out of the curtains – it makes one realise ones mortality and the fragility of life – it was very hard. All the things you wanted to say and hadn’t all the questions you had – now too late. I miss my mum so much and it was so very hard and terrible to sit there.
After a short sleep I started to phone people and let them know, phone the funeral directors, the solicitors, the vicar etc and arrange everyting. Then I drove back to the hospital to collect mums things and say goodbye to all the ladies in the ward and thank the nurses. The horrible doctor was sitting at the desk and did not even look up, say anything to me at all – what a pig!
I went to speak to one of the doctors to ask whether I could take Mum home – he was an absolute sod, had no interest in the matter, kept flipping though the file which had had aboviously not read and asked what would happen when I went home in 5 weeks time – totally useless and off hand – very unlike the other doctors I had spoken to on previous visists. Anyway – went back and sat at the bedside – the nrsing staff were great – Ian (Mr Ice cream man), and all the others made sure I had lots of tea etc. Mums breathing became heavier and raspy and she still didn’t wake. At lunch time my cousin Linda came in and we went for lunch in the canteen and then she sat with us a while – she had been a tower of strength in all these visits and such a help. She mentioned that on the day her father (my Unclue Eric) had died his breathing had also been very laboured. Sat there a while longer, talking to mum and the other ladies and then at about 6 pm the nurses called me aside to say it was time for the “final pathway” – this meant that all drips etc would be removed, no more medication would be given and death would be imminent. The curtains were drawn around the bed and I sat there holding her hand. At about 8 I had put my head down on the bed and was crying when John Grundy came in and touched me on the shoulder. He had come to see if I wanted a break – he would sit with mum while I went home for a bath – but I said no thanks, I’d stay but we went for some tea together and then he sat with me for at least an hour – such a loving kind person. As he said, nothing can prepare you for this,
.
While we sat there behind the curtains the other ladies prepared to sleep – lots of “night nights” “sleep tight” etc. Then little Alice in the bed next to mum said “why is there a naked man under the radiogram?” the others all chirped up, never mind Alice, we’re here Alice, sleep tight Alice everything is alright” ands she just kept asking why there was a naked man under the radiogram! John and I had a giggle about that! He left at about 11 and I sat there – the night nurse was a lovely person called Sarah who kept popping in to check on me – ask if I’d like tea etc. She was really great and very supportive. At about 3.25 in the morning Mum died, there was the death rattle and after another few minutes her breathing stopped. I sat there and then went to find the nurses to confirm it. After checking and then “laying her out” I sat there for about another hour and then said good night to everyone and went home Mavis in the bed opposite looked so scared when I came out of the curtains – it makes one realise ones mortality and the fragility of life – it was very hard. All the things you wanted to say and hadn’t all the questions you had – now too late. I miss my mum so much and it was so very hard and terrible to sit there.
After a short sleep I started to phone people and let them know, phone the funeral directors, the solicitors, the vicar etc and arrange everyting. Then I drove back to the hospital to collect mums things and say goodbye to all the ladies in the ward and thank the nurses. The horrible doctor was sitting at the desk and did not even look up, say anything to me at all – what a pig!
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